dumb, stupid, useless, disappointment!!!
Have you ever felt so dumb that you jus cry? well i have jus experience that... its really a very weird experience as usually i cry over failure or jus normal sad stuffs but this time around im crying cus i feel dumb... its an experience that i would nvr forget.people close to me would know that i have given up modeling cus i came to my senses that hey adler... youre not that fantastic move on... well... im jus being truthful to myself and i dnt wanna live in self denial anymore... i managed to move on with life but felt really empty as i hav been chasing this career for a very long time already.recently i was chosen to do a fashion show for a label and of cos i was more than dilighted i was on cloud 9... i was even thinking well hey adler this might be a good chance to show wat you really can be and maybe jus maybe i could become a supermodel one day? i was really into doing well for this "job" i wanted to maintain good connections so maybe i could make it as a model...ok heres the deal we were given 200bucks to shop for an outfit to walk down the runway. frankly speaking i couldnt find anything that suited my style... i was really lost... one by one models start pouring in and of cos i was intimidated cus duh right they r handsome watever and im not... i was really lost on wat i should assemble for myself... i really wanna outshine the other models... but i jus cnt find the right outfit... i changed and changed... going back and forth the changing room i felt so stupid that i cnt assemble a look that shouts adler... i mean its really pressurising for me as firstly i wanna dress to impress and secondly i wanna strike a modeling deal hopefully...i was really put into a situation where i jus had to do things on my own... the models had their clothes picked and the rest of the participants had company to help assemble an outfit. i was there like some fucking loser walking aimlessly and when i get into the changing room i felt lonely as in i dnt hav advice.... and i felt bad for the staff cus i jus kept changing and changing...frankly speaking i knw that this sound stupid but to me it means alot... i take pride in dressing well and i jus cnt come out with a striking outfit... how dumb can i get??? it was until this guy came up to me telling me that i hav taken more than enough time to get an outfit that i jus totally went stupid... i was jus blank... i wanted to cry jus that second... i jus wanted to withdraw and get away from all of this... in the end i got an outfit... i kind of like it but it aint gonna stand out... in the end i jus felt lonely, pressurised, ignored, useless etc... the worst part was that i told myself that i aint gonna make it as a model... i truely hav given up and lost faith in this craft that i have spent 6years in... as i walk out of the stall i felt very dissapointed in myself... i hav let down this person in particular that has given me the chance to "shine". i felt.... well i jus felt that i totally blow my chance... jus all gone... after that i jus cnt help it when tears jus roll down my eyes profusely... thks zac for jus keeping me company... i jus really felt stupid... such stupidity has nvr struck me... i wanted to jus run to the main road and get hit by a car...
Be ENLIGHTEN!!!
ok today is the official first week of my new year in HTM, and it ended off at a high note. well why is that so? cus im jus feel rather "mann zhu" meaning fulfilled??? haha i dnt knw... lalalalallalal~ the subject this sem are really fun as in the things we r learning r more hands on then the previous year. we hav this class called service methodoligy and its really cool. you get to pour wine, take orders, set a table, carry multiple plates in one hand. hahha there was this exercise in which we hav to hav two HEAVY plates on one hand and parade down the whole restaurant!!!!!!! hahaha i did it more rows than usual... cus its FUN!!! the other funny part is the accommodation of the teachers! i hav a few qoutes here "eh! woman! you trying to do bagara dancing issit?!" on the issue of taking orders. "good evening sir, would you like to have your chix breast with or without the nipples?" haha! on taking orders again. then in wine opening we hav to present the cork to the host for inspection for moisture or smell and he tell us not to say this, " sir, would you like to press the cock?" hahahah! omg..... seriously through out the whole class i was laughing like madness... haha the teachers were all very funny... but of cus within all this fun and games alot were learnt. it was said that if u wanna hav something stuck to ur brain the best way to do it is to do something dramatic to it so as to hav a lasting impression. eg, a teacher comes in the class by slamming the door real hard and says " 6x6 is 36" i mean duh ppl will rmb.... hahha yea... in another class we had this teacher who asked us to introduce ourselves and he was qouted saying this "if your name is tan ah kao dnt out of a sudden say that you can also call me SPENCER" haha which i felt was funny... ah.......... all in all i feel very happy this week... lots of fun... as in the right dosage of a learning enviroment... jus a moment ago i was having a talk with one of my sch mates back in AC and now a grad of HTM hahha JON LEONG.... hahha hey jon thks man... i seriously am inspired by u.... hahah like how i create wonders in AC, u sure did create wonders in TP... man... i feel very bonded to jon suddenly.... we nvr were like wah close friends but his mentality is very similar to mine... and i respect that... wow... really learned alot... haha seems like other ppl like to jus TALK but we r actually the ones that put them into actions.... hmmm.... hhaha i dnt knw y but as im blogging about this im still smiling... im really enlighten.... its been a long while since i found someone that understands me and dones the same things that i do... hhaha once agian thks JON! hahhaha! yups so smiles everyone! it seems like a good year... i miss all those peeps i havent been able to meet up in sch!!!!!!! ah!!!!!!!! hahah! okok bye!
